because i loved you then when i didn't want to fuck just that night we still fucked i cried quietly and you didn't notice i was next to you when you were done
i was pushing against your chest (missionary in the dark) (in Houston) and did you ask me later, 'why?'? actually i think you did and i think i was still tearing at that point and in the dark i shrugged and said nothing and murmured a dismissal of my own feelings
didn't want you to feel awkward or anything, you know
i didn't want to fuck that night because all of a sudden i felt you look at me like i wasn't a person, like i wasn't your then-girlfriend, like i was a slab of meat and you already had your carving knife at the ready
i didn't want to fuck that night because you looked like all the other Pervy Men Who Leer, men i've spent my entire life shunning and sneering at instead of my boyfriend whom i loved then