To my brother it was just the same as the game of Stratego I had traded my body for.
“10 seconds,” he said, “Just keep it in for 10 seconds” While my lips clenched his dick, his fingers traveled down my flat chest unbuttoned my pants and left me undressed.
And 12 years later when my first real boyfriend tried to slip his penis between my thighs, my pussy yelled “No!” My lips clamped so tight from being clenched closed for so long.
This year, when I ask my dad to sleep over my boyfriends house, he looks at me and asks” Are you sleeping with him?” and I say “yes” and our home turns into World War Three, and my dad accuses my boyfriend of ‘manipulating me’
“10 seconds” I tell myself as I breathe in and out Fighting back the need to confirm that this is not manipulation without a doubt.
But to tell my father of the loss of virginity when I was 5 would shatter his heart and would not fix mine.