In the past year I have started to deal with the trauma that you caused me After two and a half years with you and then two without, I still could not comprehend I had a good man enter my life and I forgot what it was like to be caged But then I started therapy and I had to face the facts.
You pressed your hand between my legs before we had known each other for a month I was 14 and you were 16 and you were a desperate virgin wanting to take what could be taken But I wasn’t for the taking Until you just… took.
Your touch was fire, the blue kind that leaves third degree burns and worse You would push my head down and I wished that you would push it into the ground and leave me alone You were unafraid to raise your voice despite the way I cowered You never hit me so therefore it wasn’t abuse though… Right?
I cry during sex now and flinch at loud sounds and cannot stand when people fight My boyfriend is so good to me but when he first started to touch me I feared it would end in pain Just as it always had with you.
You didn’t kick me but you kept me down You scarred me but your focus was always yourself and forcing me to please you I would tell you no and that was apparently funny to you because You always laughed.
You came from a broken family and you had issues with love I gave you love that I thought you needed But I was young and unsure of how to navigate And that was reason enough for you to violate me.
There is a boy who looks identical to you in one of my classes I shake when he’s around When he talks to me I have to stop myself from running away His traits are only that he is blond and blue-eyed and tall but that’s enough.
You fucking haunt me. I am healing though Slowly and surely One day my skin will not be covered in your burns And one day my body will feel like my own again.