You don't have the right to look my in the eye and tell me it's OK. You don't have the right to trace my tears and then brush my pain away like the pathways you just followed down my cheek lead to some kind of sick freedom. Or to inhale and exhale with ease while every breath I take comes with a concentrated pattern of "inhale for 5 beats, hold it for 5, and then exhale for 5" so I don't give in to the uncontrollable shaking. Or to smile at me like you didn't rip away a piece of my soul that was pretty fucking important. You don't have the right to ask me to "catch up because it's been too long!" like you don't see the hollowness of my being that's reflected in my eyes. You don't EVER have the right to tell me it's my fault, try to convince me that I'm over reacting, or to pretend like "this is the way things work in every normal relationship." You don't have the right to define my normal. Or to tell me I look good when, the last time I saw you, you couldn't stop pointing out ways to make me more worthy of your attention. You don't fucking have the right to clap for my accomplishments or acknowledge my successes when, because of you, so many of them have been delayed or affected as I spend time restructuring the core of my mind, body and soul. You don't have the right to smile at me when just thinking about you sends me to the darkest depths of my mind from which I struggle endlessly to escape. You just don't have the right. But I do. I have the right to feel strong and capable. To turn my anger, hatred, despair, and hopelessness into a passion for making myself and the pieces of the world around me better. I am beautiful and powerful and intelligent, and I have every right to believe in that. I have every right to climb out of this fucking hole you dug and threw me into with my head held high. You never had nor ever will have the right to beat me down, but I have every right to end this cycle of continuing your work beating myself down by believing in my strength. There are a lot of days where I'm afraid and convinced that you've won, but every day that passes makes me realize that you can't possibly be the victor because I just don't give you permission to hold that place of power in my life. I'm the only one who is allowed to be in control. As for you, you just don't have the right.